Grocery Shopping

Clippers Fans

Neighborhood Militia

Yesterday, I was awakened from a nap by a harsh "TING TING-TING TI-TING" kind of noise. I followed the sound to the bathroom, peeked out the window, and saw a person in full camoflage, goggles, and a rifle pressed against the vacant house adjacent to ours. I slid to the front door, flipped the locks, and peered outside. Hiding in the bushes was another soldier, rifle cocked.

"Holy sh*t! Burbank is at war!" was my first thought, but the notion evaporated as soon as the soldier stood up. He had the stature of a teenager and his rifle had a bright orange tip.

Then another round of "TING TING-TING TI-TING" spattered against our house.

Rarely do I have to act like an adult, but the role naturally surged through me. I clenched my fists, puffed out my chest, grew my beard a half-inch longer, and ran outside, yelling, "Dagnabbit! You crazy kids know you can't shoot guns in the neighborhood!!" The boys stopped firing, simultaneously said, "You're old," and disappeared around the corner of the house.

I shouted after them, "Get back here you little brats!! I have some bunny ears to put on you!"

What kind of a parent lets his/her kids shoot automatic Airsoft guns in a residential neighborhood?? Maybe I am getting old.

Silence

Happy 122nd Birthday, Charlie! (Chaplin's birthday is actually tomorrow, April 16th, but I don't post on Saturdays, soooo...)

Faking Awake

"Morbidly Obese and Slightly Depressed" Bird

"Can you tell me how to get...how to get to the cookies, please?"

Sweet and Sour Seniors

Doing the Limbo

It may be cuter, but it's definitely more difficult.

Poking Yourself in the Eye

Slimy Ghosts

I believe the original tagline for Ghostbusters was "I ain't afraid of no ghost...as long as it's in bunny ears...otherwise I might pee my pants a little."

8-Bit Ghosts

Boo.

Chicks

Illumination Entertainment's "Hop" comes out today. I didn't work on the movie, but I did board some promotional shorts for it.

By the way, here's a little Illumination Entertainment trivia:

After making this bunny-minion mash-up last July, one of the Illumination directors saw my image and passed it to the "Despicable Me" marketing team. Shortly afterward, a "Cuter in Bunny Ears"-inspired opener was made for the "Despicable Me" DVD. Then they asked me to storyboard a teaser, which became the Illumination Entertainment title card before the movie "Hop."

Sea Captains Who Are Looking for Love

Are you a sea captain who needs his bed rocked by something other than the ocean? Stop scouring the seas for that perfect first mate and make an account at Sea Captain Date!

Women With Prostates

No more prostate posts for a while. I promise.

Riding on Your Bike So Long That Your Prostate Hurts

Learning at an Embarrassingly Late Age That There Are No Inner Tubes in Car Tires

When I was about 25 years old, a tire was slashed on my car while it sat behind my apartment. For $350/month, the apartment building didn't have the best security (but I did have my pick of hookers, drugs, and handguns). I slipped on the spare, drove to a mechanic down the street, and asked, "So, do I need a full tire or just the inner tube?" He laughed, paused, laughed again, and then charged me double. I found out later that modern car tires stay inflated purely by the pressure of the rubber on the metal rim. Gimme a break, though. Bike tires have inner tubes...why wouldn't CAR tires??

Be honest...did YOU know?

Midget Sidekicks

Public Sketchers

A great exercise for artists is to sit in public, watch people, and quickly record poses, body types, and clothing syles in a sketchbook. I did this with a handful of other LA artists at the Hollywood and Highland mall on Saturday. There's a strong correlation between the number of people in your sketch group and the number of strangers who notice that you're staring at them...but don't worry, we're not actually looking at YOU...

Sensing Danger

Disgustingly Thick Beer

Ew.